Piggy

    I have a best friend, his name is Sam. Sam and I have been best friends for 5 long wonderful years. Over the years Sam and I have experienced some really fabulous things we have also experienced some, not so fabulous things. I love Sam and he loves me, and sometimes we are stupid. Recently I have handled my money quite terribly and I am in a situation similar to the one the current President is attempting to fix. Yikes. So being the interesting individual I am, I decided to get my piggy bank from my childhood and attempt to dip into its funds. The problem lies in the belly of this Ham Pit. There was no hole, no opening, no way to allow my big coins to flow out. Therefore, Sam and I got a trash bag and pulled into the Sheetz parking lot. I was calmly pumping gas and Sam decides to ARNOLD SWING the Ham Pit while in the trash bag. This idea sounded and seemed brilliant, see when Ham Pit busts all his wondering money would flow directly into the trash bag. Yeah. No. Thank you nice lady who helped us pick up the seven foot wide spread of coins. You're a good person.

FAIL.

Spelling Champion

I have a really good friend, Lindsey and I have been friends for about 4 years on and off. We went to junior high together and for some odd reason neither one of us can spell. Ever. At all. I think it was because we decided to "horse play" while everyone else was learning to spell. The point is, she HAD this boyfriend who did something he shouldn't have done. In the process of attempting to cuss at him, she texted him and said " YOU ASSWHOLE!" Hmm. Fail. I told my boss, who laughed until she almost passed out. A few days later I was about to cook some hamburger meat at my boss' casa. I texted her and said "what do you want me to do with this meet?" Fail. I was in a hurry and I'm kinda a Helen. Being the fabulous person she is, she responded with "IT'S MEAT, YOU ASSWHOLE!" Best boss ever? YES!!!!

FAIL!